night walking

Cafes are deserted
Lingering rain coming from the purple sky
Common looks in the eyes with mine
Are asking for some change
I look away

Glittering reflections of street lamps on the asphalt
Makes me look up
A seagull flies by my head
Reminds me of the first day I met you
I wanted to play

There is this girl standing in the corner
Trying hard to find love
For the night
Ready to give her heart to just about anyone
It’s just a lay

This is a song that I know so well
Like a bright light shining through my window
This has been so long a wait
You are not answering my pray

How I tried so hard
To keep my distance from you
Not more than just a few steps
Having an eye on you
And the other eye away

I wonder if you ever knew
It was my heart hanging by a thread
From your egocentric cloak
That you had forgotten to pull away

Wound won’t fade
Hurt won’t mend
Heart won’t heal
Love won’t chase
My mind is slipping away

common fools

There is a little man dressed in black
Looks sophisticated
But the soul he lack
Walking down the lane,
of common fools

there is a little woman heels so high
that her ego seems to touch the sky
empowered by the gods of marketplace
strutting up the lane,
of common fools

the air is so dry
the ground so hot
that he thinks if he should stay or not
his mind only can rest so much
there are hot stuff
that he has to touch

thinking if the world’s insane

the air is so thick
the ground so loose
that she thinks if she can find the truce
there are right stuff
that she has to choose

thinking if the world’s insane

no matter how thick or dry
no matter if you can touch the sky
your mind drives you down the lane
of common fools

when she is in black
when he is so high
when the truce is up
in the sky
you walk the lane
of common fools

thinking if the world’s insane

......

Shrugged my shoulders and flipped the coin
to dent my reputation once more
Duct tapes are needed my friends

Looking over the horizon and what did I see?
Imagination is in the eyes of beholder
Opened my chest for an extol
(Maybe it was a strong word!)
Inside of me is getting colder

I mean no harm
Can’t you see?
Without friendship,
where will you be?

them

part of me don’t feel like making it at all
part of me feels like making a free fall
part of me don’t like the taste of defeat
part of me feels like standing on my feet

part of me don’t like singing it at all
part of me feels like waiting for your call
part of me don’t like the rhythm of the beat
part of me feels like leaving my seat

you don’t know how to chose them
or lose them

you certainly confuse them.

Walking in the sands of my dream
Water washes away the shore
No foot steps behind me
No dawn to look before

Ticking away my life
When is the time to depart?
Is it now or never?
No one told me to play my part

So I have danced away my dream
Of some shadowed scream
Walk through all the constellations
Nothing they seam

Only truth keeps me awake
The shadow is fading away
Give me back all my memories
No more I want to stay

blame

All those fancy cloths
And smirking smiles
Stopped you short
Never to go again
You are lonely again

Good for nothing thoughts
Make no rant tonight
Close your ears
You can’t win the fight

Never think how destructive you can be
Can’t blame me
Pretending you don’t care
If it’s not to be

So come away with me
Let me show you how to see
All the bridges that you destroyed
All the short cuts you employed
Nothing but long gone paths
Fades away too fast

You dont mean shit to me
May as well let you be
Pull the trigger
Let your soul free

You can’t blame me

You can’t blame me

born

cry
I have done it again
all this time, I have been insane

try
I have seen the end
all this time, I have been a trend

wake me, feel me, put your arms around me
for crow, has flown away

live me, want me, paste yourself around me
for love, has come to stay

and I,
have painted the pastures of pray

Hope

I can hear the splash of bliss
Beneath the wooden paddle of my dream

The dark night of my memories
In search of good old laughs

No wave
No wind
No light

I can hear
The sound of slackening hope
Through incidents

so close

She comes so close
From behind the hope
Wearing an ordinary t-shirt
Which says;
an old friend of mine, once said to me, …
the escape perfume screams.

An old friend of mine,
Once said to me
Let us remember when we are alone
Not to seek love
From any riffraff

The reality blinks
I am tired of waiting
But don’t you worry
Nobody lives forever
And I
Always cry in pain

its not right!

Let me tell you about me and friendship! Because I hate discovering over and over again, that how some that you think are friends are manipulating the true meaning of friendship in the name of intimacy; A friend is someone I trust to be with me when I am at my weakest and most vulnerable. And they are people who, no matter how painful it is to see, are willing to be with me when I am so helpless and weak because that’s how I prove my friendship without selling you out! And a lot of people know that. If I would trust my life with you, and vice versa, we are friends. It’s not about whether you are friendly; it’s the actual act of trust that is the basis of friendship. If I trust you to be truthful, then you’re a friend. If I find I must be careful how I say things, then it’s something other than friendship. Friendship is not a state of mind, it’s an act. It’s something you do, it’s not about whether you’re good or not, it’s not a reflection of you, it’s a balanced relationship between people. That doesn’t mean it’s always balanced at every moment. Sometimes you “need a friend” and other times it’s the other way. It’s a trust that’s returned. I know a lot of people; I mean a lot of people! but how many are friends? Very few, how many think they are friends? Probably a lot, how many times I have trusted a wrong person as a friend? Just a few times, how much it hurts discovering that it was a wrong person? A lot. So think before calling me your friend! Because I wont call you a friend anymore unless you prove that your are trustworthy!

i am a friend

Breathe sunshine, breathe
I am a nice guy, don’t you say?
So considerate, so funny
Too considerate you say
Tacky you say
Honest I say
Honest? You ask
My bad

You’re so cool
Maybe I am a fool
I’ll give you that
You can be cruel
But deep down you know
That its
My bad

But I know
How to cherish the moment
I know
How to draw the line
I know
How the magic works
I know
How to shine
If no you say;
My bad

You see,
I can love a song
Not worried anymore
If my heart is broken
It would be a reminder
Of the moments
That are gone

Here is a shoulder
Here is a friend
Here is a mast
That won’t let you bend
If you think
That it’s not true,
You know what I would say;
My bad

"I could have been a contender, I could have been somebody, instead of a bum which is what I am"

today i am 35 years OLD.

Drifter

Say what you want
I am intoxicated
Like a canary in the hands of autumns wind
An orphan
and a drifter

And don’t oppose
To the flustered dried leaves
Flying into the sky of your mesmerizing thoughts

Just listen
Beyond the clamor and lunacy
There is a melody
Which worships your name
With every drop of tears on the cheek

And give in
To the mound of pines
On the blanket of snow
(There is still sanity to be seen!)

And believe
In the risen from the horizon
Which still shines
Over the winds of change

Come
And nest
On my broken heart
For a while

timid

glancing perhaps
I am
at your photographs
but am staring at your soul
I know,
I do that a lot.

juvenile perhaps
I am
awakened, by mornings of my wishes
gliding over your sudden looks,
which always
melts my heart,

(I recognize the moments
of making you uneasy)

spoiled perhaps
I am
striving to slurp up your seduction
with detaining every breath of your soothing smile
In my arms

your softness
sucks out
every sadness
In my heart

petrified perhaps
I am
of being
sideways
by slightest puff
of disappointment

out of the archive!!!!!

This is one of my favorites, out of the archive! I hate the life without inspiration.


P.S.

but you,
please remember that
beyond the spring of light
where the hearts were still taint
once stood a man
awaiting the myth of your return
like a mound of flesh
scorned by your aversion

but at the end
you only thought you returned
and I
only wanted you to.

Yesterday

Yesterday, was a turning point in my life. Yesterday, after a phone call, suddenly I felt that I am not the same anymore. Yesterday, a new perspective was created in front of my eyes of life. Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I felt that I am getting old.

I had a physical exam last week and by the way that Mark was listening to my heart, I knew there is something wrong. I knew that my heart is beating too fast, faster than normal I mean. It has been like this since I remember. Years back, Mark told me that I have irregular heart beat and that could be the reason that I am getting this terrible headaches all the time. So he put me on medication. My headaches got better which was good, but I couldn’t hear my heart beating anymore, which I didn’t like it although I knew it’s probably a good thing. But hearing my heart beat all the time always made me feel alive. When I can actually see my heart pounding on my chest and trying to get out of it, even with the clothing on, makes me feel I still am on the race. So I stopped taking the pills about 10 months ago, after 6 years.

Yesterday I got the phone call from the doctor’s office and I was so ready to hear that my heart is worn out and I only have 6 months. It was very interesting, the fact that I wasn’t worried. The first thing that came to my mind was; what I can do in these six months left of my life?

The funny thing is that 8 days ago, when I left the doctors office, I didn’t feel like going to work. I had the feeling that I don’t have much time and I have to finish unfinished businesses. So I took the whole week off. What did I do? I finally finished my backyard. I didn’t touch my computer. I started smoking my pipe. And I went to see a play. I decided to come to work this week. I am designing a new elementary school, it’s my fifth one, and I felt it’s a very important project and I have to finish it so 650 students would have a new school. While I was checking my 23 messages I saw the doctor’s number on the other line and I took it. There, there was the call. I pushed the button and before she can say anything I said; 6 months? Or less? She laughed and said; you just have very high cholesterols.

There are many points of transition in ones life when age begins to catch up with you. I might as well accept it, my youth has fled away never to return. So it makes me realize that there are so many things in my life that I wanted to do, but I haven’t. Time is running out. Chasing the sun and it only comes up again behind you; another day of your life has past.

guns with no names

Over the east of the known lands
Where the justice gets out of hands
Train of dreams of an orphaned boy
Is about to depart, it’s a real McCoy
Sitting by his side, almost out of sight
Waiting for his wish I may, wish I might
An angel! is down on his knees
Ready to put him at ease

I am here to dry your tears
Whisper the Gods will in your ears
Its your right no more to suffer
But from now on it only gets tougher
You have been anguished, trashed, hurt enough
I am here to take it all away, with a puff
Well God loves you, you are to be heavened
Your soul is the price, but we need to make it leavened
So take this grenade, hold it like a doll
Find a busy place, a bus stop, a shop, or a mall
The rest is in you to believe
Your side I will never leave
Buy the paradise, and the forty virgins
All the people you kill, you’re just ending their sins

Am I far off, to tell the truth?
Or is it just a hallucination, a mirage, or a ruth?

eh?

Come on in, you
Sky is still blue
Let me cook you a lunch
I know you don’t drink punch
So have a JD on rocks
Every thing else just sucks

Wek lamit tohada!
Esh kelan exada!

(Ladies and gentlemen, if you have just tuned in, the score is 3-0 in the favor of the guest team!)
all weak they seem!

How you feel now?
Now I can eat like a cow
Can you check the stove?
I just can’t rove
When will I see you again?
Don’t leave me like a slain

Pira don ta knotiss!
Sogri mef thirme sok onamiss!

Redirecting

When the sun
Shines on your face
You close your eyes
and don’t accept
that my loneliness
is the distance
between knowing
and understanding

being a joker?

(being a dreamer)
Star light
Star bright
I am into the starry night
I don’t want to miss my right

(being a worker)
Go back
To the track
find the crack
Tie it up with a slack

(being a teacher)
Then my bro
You will know
When you glow
The cracks will show

(being a believer)
I wish
You didn’t return my dish
I called it Trish
It was an awesome fish

(being a joker?)
hmmm...

Life is to find the loose ends and fix them and enjoy every moment of it

Syd

Syd Barrett died last week. I think his Bike, is one of the best love songs that I have ever heard. Syd, you were the inspiration. May God bless your soul. Shine on Syd, shine on.


“I’ve got a bike
You can ride it if you like
It’s got a basket
A bell that rings
And things
to make it look good
I’d give it to you if I could But I borrowed it

You’re the kind of girl that fits in with my world
I’ll give you anything
Everything if you want things

I’ve got a cloak
It’s a bit of a joke
There’s a tear up the front
It’s red and black
I’ve had it for months
If you think it could look good
Then I guess it should

You’re the kind of girl that fits in with my world
I’ll give you anything
Everything if you want things

I know a mouse
And he hasn’t got a house
I don’t know why
I call him Gerald
He’s getting rather old
But he’s a good mouse

You’re the kind of girl that fits in with my world
I’ll give you anything
Everything if you want things

I’ve got a clan
of gingerbread men
Here a man
There a man
Lots of gingerbread men
Take a couple if you wish
They’re on the dish

You’re the kind of girl that fits in with my world
I’ll give you anything
Everything if you want things

I know a room
full of musical tunes
Some rhyme
Some ching
Most of them are clockwork
Let’s go into the other room
and make them work”

you are not

Break the silence
Push it far
Let them say that you are
In fact
Crazy

You are not
In fact
The brave soldier
Of an ancient myth
You are every brother and sister
Of the union of defeat

Sure!
Go ahead
Wave your flag of desperation
You are
A symbol of failure
A brained washed fool

You are driven
By the cause
Of an untold truth
How euphoric

gallop

Sometimes I think
If I did give it my hardest try
Was I prepared to die?

Congrats my boy!
You are half way through
From now on
You will have the perfect view!

You know;
When you gave me away
I found a way
Back to you
To say
I will do
what I may
not to be
one of the company of had been’s
I, I wont betray

But here it is:

You see;
I never got the chance to tell you
How it feels
To leap
Into the river
Of your love
Of the tears
I cried

And now
The ghost of the river
Is coming back to hunt me
And it won’t let me be.

Gallop.......

a pretext - thick as a brick

This is one of my favorite songs, by Jethro Tull, as a pretext for the new Superman movie and its called Thick as a Brick, it’s a long one so:

"Really don't mind if you sit this one out.

My words but a whisper
your deafness a SHOUT.
I may make you feel
but I can't make you think.
Your sperm's in the gutter
your love's in the sink.

So you ride yourselves
over the fields and
you make all your animal deals and
your wise men don't know
how it feels
to be thick
as a brick.

And the sand-castle virtues
are all swept away
in the tidal destruction
the moral melee.

The elastic retreat
rings the close of play
as the last wave uncovers
the newfangled way.

But your new shoes
are worn at the heels and
your suntan does rapidly peel and
your wise men
don't know
how it feels
to be thick
as a brick.

And the love that I feel
is so far away:
I'm a bad dream
that I just had today
and you
shake your head and
say it's a shame.

Spin me back down
the years and the days of my youth.
Draw the lace and black curtains and
shut out the whole truth.

Spin me down the long ages:
let them sing the song.

See there!
A son is born
and
we pronounce him fit to fight.

There are black-heads on his shoulders,
and he pees himself in the night.
We'll make a man of him
put him to trade
teach him
to play Monopoly and
to sing in the rain.

The Poet and the painter
casting shadows on the water
as the sun plays on the infantry
returning from the sea.

The do-er and the thinker:
no allowance for the other
as the failing light illuminates
the mercenary's creed.

The home fire burning
the kettle almost boiling
but the master of the house
is far away.

The horses stamping
their warm breath clouding
in the sharp and frosty morning
of the day.

And the poet lifts his pen
while the soldier sheaths his sword.
And the youngest of the family
is moving with authority.
Building castles by the sea,
he dares the tardy tide
to wash them all aside.

The cattle quietly grazing
at the grass
down by the river
where the swelling mountain water
moves onward to the sea

the builder of the castles
renews the age-old purpose
and contemplates the milking girl
whose offer is his need.

The young men of the household
have all gone into service
and are not to be expected for a year.

The innocent young master
thoughts moving ever faster
has formed the plan to change the man he seems.

And the poet sheaths his pen
while the soldier lifts his sword.
And the oldest of the family
is moving with authority.
Coming from across the sea,
he challenges the son
who puts him to the run.

What do you do
when the old man's gone
do you want to be him? And
your real self sings the song.

Do you want to free him?
No one to help you get up steam
and the whirlpool turns you `way off-beam.

LATER.

I've come down from the upper class
to mend your rotten ways.
My father was a man-of-power
whom everyone obeyed.

So come on all you criminals!
I've got to put you straight
just like I did with my old man
twenty years too late.

Your bread and water's going cold.
Your hair is too short
and neat.

I'll judge you all
and make damn sure that
no-one judges me.

You curl your toes
in fun as you smile at everyone
you meet the stares.

You're unaware
that your doings aren't done.

And you laugh
most ruthlessly
as you tell us what not to be.
But how are we supposed to see
where we should run?

I see you shuffle in the courtroom
with your rings upon your fingers and
your downy little sidies and
your silver-buckle shoes.

Playing at the hard case,
you follow the example of the comic-paper idol
who lets you bend the rules.

So!
Come on ye childhood heroes!
Won't you rise up from the pages of your comic-books
your super crooks
and show us all the way.

Well!
Make your will and testament.
Won't you?
Join your local government.

We'll have Superman for president
let Robin save the day.

You put your bet on number one
and it comes up every time.
The other kids have all backed down and
they put you first in line.

And so you finally ask yourself
just how big you are
and take your place in a wiser world
of bigger motor cars.

And you wonder who to call on.

So!
Where the hell was Biggles
when you needed him last Saturday?
And where were all the sportsmen
who always pulled you though?

They're all resting down in Cornwall
writing up their memoirs
for a paper-back edition
of the Boy Scout Manual.

LATER.

See there!
A man born
and we pronounce him fit for peace.

There's a load lifted from his shoulders
with the discovery of his disease.

We'll take the child from him
put it to the test
teach it
to be a wise man
how to fool the rest.

QUOTE:
We will be geared to the average
rather than the exceptional
God is an overwhelming responsibility
we walked through the maternity ward
and saw 218 babies
wearing nylons cats are on the upgrade
upgrade?
Hipgrave.

Oh, Mac.

LATER

In the clear white circles of morning wonder,
I take my place with the lord of the hills.
And the blue-eyed soldiers stand slightly discoloured (in neat little rows)
sporting canvas frills.
With their jock-straps pinching,
they slouch to attention,
while queueing for sarnies at the office canteen.
Saying:
how's your granny and
good old Ernie
he coughed up a tenner
on a premium bond win.

The legends
(worded in the ancient tribal hymn)
lie cradledin the seagull's call.

And all the promises they made
are ground beneath the sadist's fall.

The poet and the wise man
stand behind the gun,
and signal for the crack of dawn.

Light the sun.
Do you believe in the day?
Do you?
Believe in the day!

The Dawn Creation of the Kings has begun.
Soft Venus (lonely maiden) brings the ageless one.

Do you believe in the day?
The fading hero has returned
to the night
and fully pregnant with the day,

wise men endorse the poet's sight.
Do you believe in the day?
Do you?
Believe in the day!

Let me tell you the tales
of your life
of your love
and the cut of the knife

the tireless oppression
the wisdom in
stilled
the desire to kill or be killed.

Let me sing of the losers
who lie in the street as the last bus goes by.
The pavements are empty
the gutters run red while the fool
toasts his god in the sky.

So come all ye young men
who are building castles!

Kindly state the time of the year
and join your voices in a hellish chorus.

Mark the precise nature of your fear.
Let me help you pick up your dead
as the sins of the father are fed
with the blood of the fools and
the thoughts of the wise and
from the pan under your bed.

Let me make you a present of song as
the wise man breaks wind and
is gone while
the fool with the hour-glass is cooking his goose and
the nursery rhyme winds along.

So!
Come all ye young men who are building castles!
Kindly state the time of the year and
join your voices in a hellish chorus.

Mark the precise nature of your fear.

See!
The summer lightning casts its bolts upon you
and the hour of judgement draweth near.
Would you be the fool stood in his suit of armour or
the wiser man who rushes clear.

So!
Come on ye childhood heroes!
Won't your rise up from the pages of your comic-books
your super-crooks and
show us all the way.

Well!
Make your will and testament.
Won't you?
Join your local government.
We'll have
Superman for president
let Robin save the day.

So you ride yourselves over the fields and
you make all your animal deals and
your wise men
don't know
how it feels
to be thick
as a brick."

a simple banter

Then he said;
Bring on all your memories
All you fought for
All you dreamt of
All you believed in

And I said;
I see them all in you

Then he said;
Bring on all you love
All your cherishes
All your sacrifices
All your disappointments

And I said;
I have them all in me

Then he said;
Life is to adore
You’ve got a nice house
You’ve got a nice job
You’ve got a nice car

And I said;
I will give them all to you

Then he said;
Think of all your compassion
All your restrictions
All your afflictions
All your inflictions

And I said;
I hold them all in me

Temptation

Slick as a grass
Dreams of a touch
Tearing me apart

In your sparkling eyes
Could have been forever lost
It’s a work of art

Whispers so clear
An unreal dream
My mind is slipping away

Selling my soul
Placing my poise
On a silver tray

Weigh heavily on my mind
It presses on my heart
No reason to disparage
Temptation it is, I say

Temptation

I wanted to write about “a” temptation for a while, but Diana Krall’s version keeps popping up in my mind. So have a few lines of hers now, till I come up with my own.

Rusted brandy in a diamond glass
Everything is made from dreams
Time is made from honey slow and sweet
Only the fools know what it means
Temptation, I can't resist

Well I know that she is made of smoke
But I've lost my way
She knows that I am broke
But I must play
My will has disappeared
Now confusion is so clear
Temptation, temptation, temptation
I can't resist

for a dear friend

(Hear voices I
Some I can’t deny
Hush, it’s alright now
It’s my mothers lullaby)

Fifteen years will pass so soon
You will get to hold the hunters moon

Let your arms unfold the pain
Through the dark of night, you’ll shine again

So get up, stand up, wipe the tears
Soothe your soul, open your ears

For the phoenix has laid her egg
No freedom you need to beg

Dream on, for it’s the greatest joy
Very inquisitive, but very coy

Walk the line of expected life
Leave no room for strife

Fifteen years will pass so soon
You will get to hold the hunters moon

clown

When the clown stopped smiling
Mountains yawn opened for aid
Run my boy!
I hold you safe, tell them
You don’t need this parade

Wind puffed off his cloak,
Amused to death
You sucker! I found you!
You can’t scuttle
Hold your breath

The lord himself appeared
With a delicate sound of a thunder
Take your faith to hell O wind!
He needs to disappear

Wind said smile O lord
I have been the sovereign
I will unveil
Suffering of this pig
He is insane!

Rain dropped on the valley
Path was all to vanish
Wind was blowing
Lord was leaving
Mountain’s yawn was to cherish

Clown sat down and thought
Maybe I should smile.

false lily of the valley

I wonder where you are tonight
Probably frenzied in a dark alley
A dead end ordinary fight
That you always take for delight

Will you sometime come around?
Or again you will let me down?

Well, this is my backyard
At the end of the dead end alley
And I aim to please
With all my false lily of the valley

So dig in deep please
Let your fury leave
Let’s not flaunt in vain
This wont be the last train

To my Eleena

Hush now baby don’t you cry
You should give it another try
When trees blossom and birdies fly
You know that the spirit wont die

Hold my hand and let’s run fast
Let’s forget about the past
Climb the mountains, trees and mast
Let’s make it a cherished blast

What kind of soul are you?

I found this link in Jac’s blog and I tried it, here is what I have got; a dreaming soul! Not sure if it’s a good thing or not, anyways, maybe you shoud try it too.
here it is:

you are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this worldSo much so that you tend to live in your head most of the timeYou have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

silent river

A silent river floats beneath your dream
Of an untold humid truth
That sometimes
Makes my veins stiff

A hushed drift of your breath on my flesh
A momentary lapse of an awaken love
An unvoiced confession on your smile,
Burdened, with all the weight of the thoughts

When I dare to believe
That you will save your last kiss
For me

IT ALL WILL CHANGE

It all will change
It all be done
It all be gone
There would be none

All my life
I have looked in this mirror
And myself I see
Trying to be said and done

All my life
I have looked from these eyes
When I fall I know
That no one cries

It feels more than a life time
It feels like rhythm of a gong
Have I been guilty all this time?
Then how can it feel this wrong?

I’m all disdained
I’m tired of waiting this long
Am I ghoul of my idealistic beliefs?
Then how can I feel this wrong?

Boots

Sometimes I think about
All the passions in my life
And the wisdom given to me by all the late fathers and mothers of my land
Sometimes I think about
All the envy of becoming the leader of my people
And guide them through the dried river of Moses
Sometimes I think about
All the clean paths of being surrendered
By the thoughts of priests and mullahs and rabbis

And I realize, that these boots will walk all over me

Sometimes I think about
The crippled world of followers
Deaf, dumb and blind
The high notes of an atomic jihad
The flesh of all the burned Hiroshimans
The dried bushes of Nevada desert
The chemical bombs of Iraqi’s, short
The laser guided bombs of Americans, high
“The bravery, of being out of the range”

Sometimes I think about
The meaning of my existence
Yours, theirs

And then Louise says; what a wonderful world.
And I realize, that these boots have walked all over me.

---

Have I been guilty all this time?

True story, the end

I toke a breath, a deep breath
And I saw, that all the pieces has fallen into space
I have to walk, out of this state of mind
I need to distance myself from this heavenly grace!
No need to know that love lives here
I know that I have fallen from the pace
Remember that night, so clear the sky
That I could see all the joy in your face
No possession, no restrictions
I don’t need to leave my trace
Let me out, of this mound of flesh
Let my spirit out of your brace
Need to learn, all the moves that I can make
I have already learned, I’ve lost the race
No more bending of the knees
No more sugar and no more mace
Wound wont fade, hurt won’t mend
Heart won’t heal, love won’t chase

True story, part 4

I grabbed the cutter and exposed the blade, and then I stabbed myself in hand, hard enough to be sure that I will remember this day for the rest of my life and the scar won’t fade away as I age. And I made a promise.

True story, part 3

I was trembling. Chill was all over my body and I had to do something. I should confront her. So I had few steps forward. Then I stopped. All the memories started to march in front of my eyes, like the march of the penguins, in eighty below, cold and blue, yet beautiful. She was the person who probably I cared most for in the entire world. She was my entire world. She was the spirit of all goods imaginable. What she was doing was evil, but she wasn’t evil. She was so sacred to me that I didn’t even want to touch her, even want to kiss her, not to bring her down to a human level, (that’s why, if you remember, when we were alone, two times, as much as my desires wanted to have your whole body next to mine, I didn’t, not that I wasn’t a man!) maybe I was wrong. But you see, I couldn’t take a chance, to have probably sex with her, and lose my spiritual feelings towards her. She was the love of my life, and nothing could change that, even being unfaithful. And for the next ten years, in every relationship that I had, it happened, I was proved that I was right. I said ten years, because after that something extraordinary happened which is a different story, and I might get to it some other time.

My hands were shaking, or moving in search of something, and I didn’t know what. I still wanted to confront her. Then, I remembered Mohsen Makhmalbaf’s film; Nobat-e-Asheghi (Time of Love), and suddenly I saw myself having three scripts for my action. You all know the movie so you know what I am getting at. Then I knew what my hands where searching for. Being an Architectural student, I always carried my Olfa cutter with me. So I reached for it in my backpack.

True story, part 2

It was almost two years after the war was ended, but the UN soldiers were still in there, not quite sure what they were doing, probably picking up Iranian girls!

Oh! did I just reveal the whole story? Well, you might as well know it now because that’s not the point. So many other things that I am about to say are not the point either, but I have to say them because you should know why they are not the point.

what amazes me is your bravery, of kissing him, right on the street, under street lamp on that era of Iran of being so tight which even being with an opposite sex which you weren’t related to, was a big no to begin with. But I guess you knew what you wanted and you would get it, good for you.

Years later, I came across the other victims of that UN soldier. I call it victim on purpose, because you know that he was really an Iranian, who looked Caucasian, kind of like me, with white skin and blond hair who could fool anybody, and to be honest with you, when you have such a feature, sometimes its fun to do so, I have done that myself number of times. But the funny thing is, right on that moment of kissing, inside me, somewhere between feeling that my heart is being broken, and rage, forcing the blood on every little vein on my face, I said to myself; he is kind of like me! So if she likes him, she likes me!

What was left was what should I do now?

True story, part 1

Just as we passed the Vanak square, you stood up and said;
I have to get out at Bijan Street now, I am picking up my brothers wedding photographs.
Oh! Ok, I will come with you.
No! They know my dad, they shouldn’t see you with me.
I will stay outside till you are done.
No! It may take a while.
Then I saw the look on your gals face, suggesting, with all time everything is cool expression that she always would give to almost anybody; give up! Will you?
So will I see you tomorrow? Should I pick you up?
Sure,
And you gave me one of those smiles that always would make me feel I am on top of the world.
Well, here is what you don’t know; I got off the minibus right after you.

It makes you wonder, how your life would be different, if you wouldn’t have made some decisions, thinking about the consequences, if you wouldn’t do something or say something, how you would have been a different person. But you decide to take action, based on what ever your reason would be; adventure, or love, or curiosity or even faith or confidence, or is it lack of all of the above? I guess my reason was partly love and partly un-confidence. Or maybe I was too young. When I think of it now, I wouldn’t do any different and I think all of you would have done the same; following your heart.

Remember

I have slept in the maze of freedom
I have run all the paths of defeat
I have seen all the trembling tingles of affection in fright
I have walked all the beams of a flickering light
of a candle flame
Dancing like an orphan moth,
no one to blame

Day comes and day goes by
And each evening brings all my memories back
Once I knew the destination and departure lane
But when it comes to it
I forget, what I should pack

Honest Dave

Rosemary loved her flowers
He said: I loved her with all my heart
Well, with most of it.
I said: what about the rest of it?
He said: her flowers.

واقعه عقربه ها

آنسوی چشمه نور

فراتر از زمان باد

جايی که سفيد

آرزوها را فروتن ميساخت

کلبه ای بود از راز

رازی از کوچه باغ تنهايی مهر

در فريادی چونان هميشه سبز

بر بالهايی که يادگار شبابی در نور بودند

در ساختاری اين چنين مرطوب

نفس گرم حقيقت کلبه را روشن ساخت

پيرمردی که شنيد

در واقعه عقربه ها

تک تک حادثه را

بهمن ۱۳۷۱

ابديت

چه رويای قشنگی بود
لحظه هايی که گذشتند
و من هنوز
در کوچه باغ اين صدای موهوم
در فکر آنم
که چگونه تو
تک اين سکوت را در تنم شکستی

خروش بی کران من
در ابديت
به صلابه آتش پيوست
و من هنوز
رازهای نهان زندگيم را
در سينه دارم

تو مرا رها کردی و من فراموشت نخواهم کرد
نه
هرگز فراموش نخواهم کرد
حتی اگر شقايق ها بميرند
و باز من تنها شوم

---

Smile covers your heart
And I am dressed all in black
The light in your eyes
Are never coming back

In the world of miracles
You are chasing the sun
No boundaries on the horizon
Dreaming you has begun

Desire and ambition
Not in my world my friend
Hunger and void
Is my path to the end

Thus I have come this far
All the unspoken passion
Wanting to know, you will always be
Is tumbling down and crashing

Soothing my weary soul
That’s what you do
I will always believe in love
The way I believe in you

nothing else matters

When you can’t think
about all the faith
when you can’t think
about all the pain
when can’t you think
about all the shame
that I have gone through
for you
nothing else matters

when you look up in the sky
and just see it blue
when you look into the water
and just see it lucid
when you look into my heart
and don’t see it broken
nothing else matters

if it makes you feel good
take all I have got
if it makes you feel tough
break all my pride
if it makes you feel warm
light me on fire
if it makes you feel safe
impound my soul in your cage
because after you abscond
nothing else matters

how i feel today.

"I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real

The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Beneath the stain of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way"

hurt - Johnny Cash

I will

I guess one rainy day
I will get over you
like that day that I wanted to jump over the creek
and I fell

its not like I have learned the direction of the wind,
changes in your heart

the magic of the moment,
lays beneath your hands of acceptation

I guess somewhere in time
I will get over you
like when I barely got over the day
and all the over nights over times
of getting nowhere.

Happy B-Day

spotless

mind

is

now

1

year

old.

Hunter's Moon

I kissed the sun
So when its on your side
You feel it all over your lips

you kissed the moon

"The Blood Moon rises this year on Wednesday, Oct. 27th. At first it will seem pale and cold, as usual. And then ... blood red. The Hunter's Moon.
It's a lunar eclipse. Beginning at 9:14 p.m. EDT (6:14 p.m. PDT), the moon will glide through Earth's shadow for more than three hours."

I am dreaming you.

Blue

You put your hands on my rusty paint box
Out of the blue
Ha!
Old habits die hard
All you could find was blue

باران

وقتی که باد

برگهای خشک روی زمین ریخته را با خود برد

آسمان ابری بود

وقتی که اقاقی ها

سر به دامان خاک بردند

آسمان ابری بود

وقتی که نگاه صد هزار پرنده مهاجر

از روی آب روان پرید

آسمان ابری بود

باد

تن خاک را لرزاند

برگها

غصه پرندگان را خوردند

اقاقی ها

دل تنگ آب روان را فراموش کردند

زمین

باران را می خواست

آنگاه بود

که ابرها گریستند

finding the middle ground

you said I will say goodbye now
(to save my aching heart of burning)
you said it was yours
(to be alone and believe)
you said we are still friends
(to hurt every little bone on my chest)
you said I will pay you a visit
(on my world of secrets to be unveiled)
you said life is meant to be
(to sacrifice and compromise)

but you didn’t say I love you
the only thing, I wish was true

---

من به باریکی راهی می شوم

که هر روز از آن

نور به قلبم برسد

.و در آن محو شود

---

چه کسی میدانست

که نوازشهای باد

حتی از افق پنجره هم پیدا بود

you know it all

it’s so great
it’s so grand
life is
without being noticed

and all the known distances
all carefully set
unlike my scrambles when I try to sell a design
you know your trade.

I am staying

I am staying
I don’t want to let you go
When ever we fight
I am the one who always comes back
With a smile on my face
Tickling you, saying zoom zoom zoom
I started doing that when the first Mazda commercial came on TV
Do you remember that?
And when I tell you I am the one who always comes back
You say:
Because you realize that it was your mistake,

It’s alright
Because I don’t want to let you go

it always will be

Its time to move on
you soon will be back in town
and will see that it’s the way it goes
just like nothing to it

harsh words you have spoken
lots of hearts are broken
just ask me to die
and I will show you all the lights, in the sky
the path to heaven
just like nothing to it

I don’t know how it happened
I don’t know when you stopped to care
I just want to know
did you ever think of me as your best friend,

nothing else matters
not a single drop of tear
not even a smile when I come home
never mind the kiss
all seem to be a past fear
just like nothing to it

---

in times of desperation
lonely paints in the box
dreaming of the clear sky
I am trapped between grays and blues

there’s a knock on the door
total strangers standing in the driveway
unbearable hums and buzzes
I am trapped between cigars and booze

my little girl doesn’t like me
she cries and stamps her feet to my seat
“and yes, 54th homicide of the year”
there’s another shooting on the news

just before you leave, you said:
I am tired, just very tired
it was the be all and end all
I just didn’t see the clues

I guess my name is mud
an inclination to shoot myself free
to have the bitter taste of your sweet soul
but the spirit of the blues, says you lose

13th wasn't the end of it!

(well, this is for you then, so you will keep coming.)

Tad a!
All the jingles are coming
All the joy of having a new gift
The presence of an old leaf flying into the sky
And our eyes following the path of the tango
Careful not to cross the line
(do you remember?)

she said:

“you’d say time knew nothing
well now you’re gone
and time is all I have left”

keep walking

breathing so softly
you are
on my land of dirt and disappointment
mud and the earth,
which are becoming my grave

and people walk
and people laugh
and people talk
and people don’t know
that with every step
all the lines on my face getting longer
all the fractures, on my heart

I know that nobody knows the laughter
I know that nobody knows the tears
I know that nobody knows the cry
that I have singed for all these years.

---

I was amazed by the distance in your eyes

I am like a lonely man in the maze
deaf, dumb and blind
in the silence of an autumns afternoon
and I have two windows in my room
both with thick and dark curtains
closed
and the darkness
in my heart

sometimes I feel like an old mans cane
breaking the silence of the alley
with a rhythm of a dropping water in the sink
unbearable

toss and turning in my bed
the pros and cons of all the words that I want to hear
the meaning of all the words you want to ask
all the words that you did not say
and I did not ask
sabotaging the truth of your migration to north
while all the birds, to south

your unpredictable desire
makes me want to survive
the passion of owning a red flashy sports car
seeing you on the rear view mirror
with a flashy red dress
slightly above your knees
and all the joy of being a teenage again
on the moments of my midlife crisis

how euphoric.

wish i couldn't be

I know,
its all just a blot to you
its all but just a rhythm to me

when I was born again
with all the broken bones
and ripped heart
that you wanted to sew to yours, tenderly
trying to keep me standing
on two feet of admiration
from all the smiles that was pouring in my way
it was only yours
but I was just trying to run from the fear of being defeated again

silently, laid on your lap
feeding from your soul
and becoming the pieces of you

slowly, I caught the glimpse of my life to be
that was just trying to work me out
and ask me why,
I just needed to be blind.

P.S.

but you, please remember that
beyond the spring of light
where the hearts were still taint
once stood a man
awaiting the myth of your return
like a mound of flesh
scorned by your aversion
(what an arduous feeling)

but at the end
you only thought you returned
and I
only wanted you to.

با حافظ

این چه استغناست یا رب این چه نادر حکمت است

کین همه زخم نهان هست و مجال آه نیست

About Art

we sure need art in our everyday living. But there are two ways to approach art, one is through our eyes as artists and the other from the eyes of the average individule. It was all an awesome adventure when I was at university, but in my professional life, I have lots of heart aches, selling my creations to the various people who have wealth to purchase but without the appreciation or understanding of real art or at least that extra layer of beauty that comes from the artists touch. I always try to educate but it seems to be going down a dead end road and me running out of gas.

its time

I can be alone,
for as long as fruits still smell

I can be faded in the black and white of your wedding photograph
and still smell like a fruit.

I can still bare the pain of a paper cut
and my silence would not bother you
still

My heart’s beating again
and something in the deepest of your eyes says;
its time to go
time to go

Sometimes I wish I was deaf
and couldn’t hear the crash of my soul
under your shrugging shoulders;
not so much important,
or
I can live with it.

But how unbearably loud your aloofness was.

you just didn’t know.

shame on me

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
Shame on me to think that I still have the touch.
Shame on me to think that I am standing in a crowd but that wont do.
Shame on me to think that there’s everybody and then there’s you.
Shame on me to think too much.
Shame on me to be this blue.
Everybody thinks that their burden is the heaviest.
Everybody thinks that their trouble’s worse than all the rest.
Everybody thinks that what they know is true.

---

هر چه می خواهی بگو

من

مستم

مثل یک قناری به دست خزان وزان

هیران و ویلان

و اعتراض مکن

به صدای برخورد شاخه ها به هم

یا به شرشر آب روی شیروانی همسایه های پشتی

گوش فراده

در پس هر چه صدای بوق و شلوغ

آوازیست

که تو را همچون تصویر چکاچک قطره ها به گونه ها می شمرد

دل بده

به سکوت گنج موهوم سپیدارها در گستره سرد برف

(هنوز هم چیزی پیداست)

و ببین

بر آمده از کومه دور دست افق را

از پس سوار بر گرده تند باد پاییزی

بیا

و بر من خسته دل

دمی بنشین و آشیان بگزین

میراث

بارو های قصرهای پریشان بر امواج خروشان دشتهای مشوش

هنگام که آغاز به نفس کشیدن می کنند

تابوت پست خاک را بر رخسار زردشان باید دید

و سرانجام

پستی این ابدیت تاریخ

که به کدامین سوی مردم تنها رحم میکند

جلوه گاه جولان زده اسبان بی سوار متواریست

و تیغهاست

در چشمان ترسان پر از خاک پلکهاشان

و هنگام که خورشید بی نور سرما زده دلهاشان

در سراب آرام بسترهاشان فرو می ریزد

:زنگهای تشنه لبهاشان خرامان می نوازد که

ای قصرهای برافراشته بر باروهای مهیب

که در نواز آرام دشتهامان مشوش

و بر گران تابوت خاک گرفته از رخسارهامان پر اشک

در سرتاسر ابعاد تاریخ کهنه مان ایستاده اید

اسبهامان را

از تیغهای زنگ خرده چشمهامان

به سوی خورشید غروب دلهامان

دور سازید

---

Some things best be unknown
Some things best left unsaid
Some things meant to make your heart ache
Some things make you want to be dead

But with the mention of your name
those walls dissolve away
Some beautiful bird flapped into my cage
and took my breath away

hope is a good thing,
maybe the best of things
And no good thing ever dies

Sympathy! ?

It's amazing what perverts we've become in the past nine years. At least now we don't have to pretend that each new sexual experience is a life-altering event.

خداحافظ ایران

بر دشتهای مشوش تاریکی

وقتی به یاد می آرم

کوهستان روشنایی ها را

چه بزرگ نمایی مزحکی می پنداشتمشان

و چه کوچک بودند

من زندگی را تماشا می کردم

من عشق را می خندیدم

من رهایی می طلبیدم

من به افتضاح پست دورانم چشم بر هم می گذاشتم
من

فقط تماشا می کردم

و حالا که چه دورم از آنچه سمبل بی زاریم بود

چشمهایم بینایی دوران کودکیم را به رخ می کشند

حالا که می بینم

چقدر دیر است

دستهای پاک یک نفر عاشق

که دلم بر لحظه یک جیک آن پر پر می زند اکنون

چه نهایت بی غایتی بود

که من نمی دیدم

می خواهم بگریزم

از گریه های گریز پای لحظات حالا

حال در عضلات فرتوت به دور افتاده از عشقم نیست

می خواهم بخندم

به شک روزگاران پیش از اینهایم

اینی به جای نمانده از بسته لبهای خشک شده بر صورتی که بیمار است

و در این گستره سرد پاک

که به سردی پندار های خشک یک دوستی هم نمی ماند

من به دور افتاده از هر آنچه دوستیش می نامی

گنجی در هم فرو غلطیده از لحظات تنهاییم هستم

و شاخه نورم

شنی نمی یابد

که خود را به تاریکی آن بسپارد

مرداد ۱۳۷۵

فرو​دگاه تهران

انتقام

آری آری

دنبال کن نور را

حقیقت آنجاست
و آنچه می گویند

از سیاست و تدبیر

(همه را می دانم)

گزافه های تو خالیست

اما تو

وقتی در گذر زمان

کوبه های سالها خفته بر مندرس در های چوبی موریانه خرده را لمس کردی

دل بسپار و وارد شو

خواهی دید

که چگونه هفت پیکر قلم را به صلابه سکوت می کشند

و آنگاه

تپش قلب من را

بر ریز موج های حوض کاشی

احساس خواهی کرد

و اگر اندکی جستجو کنی

من را تنها

پنهان

در پشت یک پنجم جفت چفت شده اطاق آیینه خواهی یافت

ساکن

و بی زمان

ولی شما خفتگان بدانید

که ما همان سیه چردگان کبود جامه به دور از زورق دورانیم

که گر دست بر آریم از قبا

آشیانتان ویران است

E-mail #8

"friend" wrote:

"By the way, do you really know who you are?! This is exactly what concerns me. I honestly admit that after all these 33 years, I still don't. The more years pass the more I get confused. I mean I can't accept this tangible world as a whole and I just feel and think there should be something more valuable beyond. Now that I'm almost independent, I found the courage to stop acting as the society and people around me expect me to do and I just want to sink inside my real self, I hope I can find it. I hope I won't regret. Take care,"

I wrote:

Dear "friend";

I know who I am. I am at a stage of my life that I can exactly say that who I am, where I am from, what has happened to me, what do I want, and where I would like to go. Now that’s only the knowledge that I have about myself. And that’s not enough. What probably I am lacking is the courage, which is all together a different story. Having said that, its necessary for you to know who you are, you only think that you don’t or just afraid of admitting to it, which in my opinion is perfectly normal. You see, we want to be good, good as a general word which covers all the aspects of our life which makes us happy and feel worth while, now this testimonial may be a little controversial, and that is that the others, may not see it as being good, and that is something that you have to avoid, looking at the people for their opinion on you, you should not give a damn about it. And as you said, you are doing it which is a step in the right direction. So don’t let this make you wanna sink to yourself. Only sink to your inner self to dig the treasure inside you and believe me you, everybody has at least one. You have much more (my personal experience!). Don’t think of the world as a place that you are living in, think of it as a living space that you have made it your world. This is the “Never Land” that we all have inside ourselves but may not know about it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to live in your dreams, make your dreams to come alive, and even if you die someday and didn’t achieve it, you will be happy because you were living it and towards it. Achievement is not important, trying is. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into dirt by decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by who we are. Just look, Don’t just look, See who you are, I am sure you will know, you are special, don’t ever forget that.

انتظار

به تمنای تو از حادثه ها بگریزم

ای تو همه من

به صفای دل شیرین تو اشک میریزم

ای خانه تن

و در این شهر که هر برزن آن بی خبریست

دل من در تپش شهد اقاقیهاییست

که هوای دل تو

در تنه نازک آن خوابیدست

دستهایم همه لمس

پاهایم همه خون

من به دنبال نیازت همه را پوییدم

کوچه هایی که غریب

راه هایی که چه تنگ

و تو تازه ازشان بگذشتی

و نمیدانستی

که من از قله کوه ها سخن میگفتم

تو ببین

خارهایی در طلب قطره آب

و چه داشتم من جز خون

موج هایی در طلب ساحل خشک

و چه دیدم جز دشت

شنها در طلب حادثه اند

شاید یک باد

یک لحظه شاد

اشکهایم

به دنبال صفای دل توست

December 1996

قطار

صدای پای دود می آید

قطار پیدا نیست

گوش بسپار به سردی آهن

آنچه میبینی هیچ

هر چه صبر کنی دود

دود در افق پیداست

دل بسپار

نا امیدی ننگ است

(هر چه میگفت مادرم)

مادر دلم تنگ است

گوش سپرده ام به سردی آهن

و چه موهبتی که میدانم

من و تو

شانه به شانه قطار عمرمان را تحمل میکنیم

ولی آیا امید رهایی باقیست؟

هان

، آه

آهن سرد میلرزد

گزافه نمی گویم

به راستی میلرزد

دود در افق پیداست

و صدای صد هزار چوو

و باز هم چوو

شاید چند تایی هم بیپ
من سر به آهن دارم

چوو ها می آیند

بیپ ها می رویند

و نگاه غضب آلود راننده

همه را می شنوم

می بینم

و چه دل انگیز است که سر انجام را دیدم

صدای ممتد درگیری چرخ با آهن

چوو

بیپ

آه
سکوت

و من که حالا نمیدانم کجا هستم

شمع و پروانه

بالهاشان بسته است

خرده پاپتی های مانده در مرداب آلامت

نفسهاشان خسته است

سوز می آید

تنور داغ خورشید

روزهاست که به خواب رفته است

و آنچه از پریشانی امواج سخت کوفته بر سخره زمان باقی مانده

خرده حباب های هر لهظه رو به مرگ لرزان است

شمع میسوزد

نفس

شراره میزند به تک یاخته های دست در هم موم

چه حاصل

شراره خود

در جان شمع است

ولی

سکوت را برازنده شمع آتش به جان میدانند

چرا که پروانه را

محل

نه پروای از لاف است

march 1998

هیچ

هیچ در ذهنم نیست

هیچ، برای به یاد آوردن

هیچ، برای فراموش کردن

و هیچ احساس گناهی

چرا که به یاد دارم

چگونه بازی کردن با آتش

بدون سوختن را

هنوز

و نه آنکه کسی بداند چیست

ولی میدانم که در برونم

آنچه بودم دیگر نیست

زمان میگذرد

و هر قطره اشک

با گذرش میخشکد

و شب های تنهایی

مونس ناگذیر راه میگردند

و میدانم که سر انجام هر راهی همین بوده

و نیاز به بازگشتی نیست

حتی از زمانی

که بر ماه

لکه ای پیدا

از احساس گناهی

هیچ

strange mood

Its strange. The mood. And you don’t know what that is because its not yours. But some how you feel that you know what that is, the mood, and once you know it, its not strange after all. I see, said the blind man, peeing into the wind, and its all coming back to me now!

کویر

بر روی شاخ بلند درختی در کویر

به دور از همهمه شن های روان

چشمش در امتداد یک مسیر

روی خشکی زمینی که نادیده باران

نشسته پرنده ای

چشم دیگرش بر آسمان

سردی سوز کویر

میدهد بر تنش لرز

آبی نور ماه

سو سو میزند بر دامان دشت

شاپرکی خسته از پس هر نگاهش

جادوی خیال کوچ را مینماید

که گذشت

آیا به یاد داری

وقتی نور ماه

تک تک یاخته های چروک صورتت را نوازش میکرد؟

وقتی موهای پریشانت

همچون ریشه های درخت خشک کویر

بر گستره بالینت پراکنده میگشت؟

وقتی بوی خوش یاس ها

ارمغان جوی پر آب بهار کوچه مان بودند؟

روی زمینی خشک

نشسته درختی در کویر

و پرنده ای

هر دو چشمش بر آسمان

یاد تو

بر بلند بالهای بادبادک های رقصان در سرد عصر پاییزی

در خیابان های پر برگ خشک ریخته از چناران سالها رفته از زندگی

که خشخش آن در ریز فریاده های کودکی گم میشد

پرواز را حوصله کن

و بیندیش

ساعت های پاک وصلت های در هم فرو غلتیده در هر جایی که میافتیم

گریه ها و خنده های در هم از آنچه بود و خواهد بود

در تک لهظه های سکوت ها و صحبت ها

و من که هنوز نمیدانستم

که تو

به چه میاندیشی

feb. 1997

I erased you!

Sure, some people are meant to be erased from your life. As much as you want to keep them, to live with their memory, to laugh with their thoughts, to cry with their hidden sorrows which you might be the only one who knows. Sure, you call them up, to see how they are doing. But you very well know how a fool you are, to tell them how you felt all these years about them, to let your guard down, and right at that moment; BANG, lie down, you are dead.

“Life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream”

R.E.M.

Blind Owl

But the eyes and the wine do not confirm his existence. The murdered wife leaves no such traits. The narrator has had sexual contact with her. He is contaminated, diseased and disgusted. He has followed his appetite and has copulated like an animal. At the level of unconscious there is a fear of sex as "eating" and being eaten. When things are eaten they disappear, therefore one goes out of existence. Instead of being eaten he dreams of eating the woman, to make her disappear. from blind owl, sadegh hedayat.

Back to work

Back to work, I was off for 10 days and didn't do anything. Well, I read a book called: " the art of doing nothing ". It was a good time off. I have to get organized. Lots of work to do.

Sleeping

I will write what ever comes to my mind. No matter how disorganized.
I need some sleep. Haven't slept for a long time, proper one. Just tired. I want to watch the movie Spanglish. Mojgan doesn't like Adam Sandler. I don't know how to make her come with me. I think it fits our life style. I have not heard any critic about it. I should do that.
I am still thinking about the erasing. Just not in the mood right now.

spotless mind

yah, Igot the name from the movie. That aside, do you really want to erase someone from your life? this is what i am trying to do, to see how can i do that, by going through my memories! can i do that? or it will have a reverse impact on the whole subject? let me chew on it for a while.