True story, part 3

I was trembling. Chill was all over my body and I had to do something. I should confront her. So I had few steps forward. Then I stopped. All the memories started to march in front of my eyes, like the march of the penguins, in eighty below, cold and blue, yet beautiful. She was the person who probably I cared most for in the entire world. She was my entire world. She was the spirit of all goods imaginable. What she was doing was evil, but she wasn’t evil. She was so sacred to me that I didn’t even want to touch her, even want to kiss her, not to bring her down to a human level, (that’s why, if you remember, when we were alone, two times, as much as my desires wanted to have your whole body next to mine, I didn’t, not that I wasn’t a man!) maybe I was wrong. But you see, I couldn’t take a chance, to have probably sex with her, and lose my spiritual feelings towards her. She was the love of my life, and nothing could change that, even being unfaithful. And for the next ten years, in every relationship that I had, it happened, I was proved that I was right. I said ten years, because after that something extraordinary happened which is a different story, and I might get to it some other time.

My hands were shaking, or moving in search of something, and I didn’t know what. I still wanted to confront her. Then, I remembered Mohsen Makhmalbaf’s film; Nobat-e-Asheghi (Time of Love), and suddenly I saw myself having three scripts for my action. You all know the movie so you know what I am getting at. Then I knew what my hands where searching for. Being an Architectural student, I always carried my Olfa cutter with me. So I reached for it in my backpack.