Yesterday
Yesterday, was a turning point in my life. Yesterday, after a phone call, suddenly I felt that I am not the same anymore. Yesterday, a new perspective was created in front of my eyes of life. Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I felt that I am getting old.
I had a physical exam last week and by the way that Mark was listening to my heart, I knew there is something wrong. I knew that my heart is beating too fast, faster than normal I mean. It has been like this since I remember. Years back, Mark told me that I have irregular heart beat and that could be the reason that I am getting this terrible headaches all the time. So he put me on medication. My headaches got better which was good, but I couldn’t hear my heart beating anymore, which I didn’t like it although I knew it’s probably a good thing. But hearing my heart beat all the time always made me feel alive. When I can actually see my heart pounding on my chest and trying to get out of it, even with the clothing on, makes me feel I still am on the race. So I stopped taking the pills about 10 months ago, after 6 years.
Yesterday I got the phone call from the doctor’s office and I was so ready to hear that my heart is worn out and I only have 6 months. It was very interesting, the fact that I wasn’t worried. The first thing that came to my mind was; what I can do in these six months left of my life?
The funny thing is that 8 days ago, when I left the doctors office, I didn’t feel like going to work. I had the feeling that I don’t have much time and I have to finish unfinished businesses. So I took the whole week off. What did I do? I finally finished my backyard. I didn’t touch my computer. I started smoking my pipe. And I went to see a play. I decided to come to work this week. I am designing a new elementary school, it’s my fifth one, and I felt it’s a very important project and I have to finish it so 650 students would have a new school. While I was checking my 23 messages I saw the doctor’s number on the other line and I took it. There, there was the call. I pushed the button and before she can say anything I said; 6 months? Or less? She laughed and said; you just have very high cholesterols.
There are many points of transition in ones life when age begins to catch up with you. I might as well accept it, my youth has fled away never to return. So it makes me realize that there are so many things in my life that I wanted to do, but I haven’t. Time is running out. Chasing the sun and it only comes up again behind you; another day of your life has past.
I had a physical exam last week and by the way that Mark was listening to my heart, I knew there is something wrong. I knew that my heart is beating too fast, faster than normal I mean. It has been like this since I remember. Years back, Mark told me that I have irregular heart beat and that could be the reason that I am getting this terrible headaches all the time. So he put me on medication. My headaches got better which was good, but I couldn’t hear my heart beating anymore, which I didn’t like it although I knew it’s probably a good thing. But hearing my heart beat all the time always made me feel alive. When I can actually see my heart pounding on my chest and trying to get out of it, even with the clothing on, makes me feel I still am on the race. So I stopped taking the pills about 10 months ago, after 6 years.
Yesterday I got the phone call from the doctor’s office and I was so ready to hear that my heart is worn out and I only have 6 months. It was very interesting, the fact that I wasn’t worried. The first thing that came to my mind was; what I can do in these six months left of my life?
The funny thing is that 8 days ago, when I left the doctors office, I didn’t feel like going to work. I had the feeling that I don’t have much time and I have to finish unfinished businesses. So I took the whole week off. What did I do? I finally finished my backyard. I didn’t touch my computer. I started smoking my pipe. And I went to see a play. I decided to come to work this week. I am designing a new elementary school, it’s my fifth one, and I felt it’s a very important project and I have to finish it so 650 students would have a new school. While I was checking my 23 messages I saw the doctor’s number on the other line and I took it. There, there was the call. I pushed the button and before she can say anything I said; 6 months? Or less? She laughed and said; you just have very high cholesterols.
There are many points of transition in ones life when age begins to catch up with you. I might as well accept it, my youth has fled away never to return. So it makes me realize that there are so many things in my life that I wanted to do, but I haven’t. Time is running out. Chasing the sun and it only comes up again behind you; another day of your life has past.
posted by m.reza at 11:13 am
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